We’ve all been there. You’re lying on your designated rotting spot (the bed or the floor), your head aches from the endless scrolling, and the day’s sweat and the occasional reminder of him have smudged your mascara down your face. No longer in the mood to be depressed, you’re feeling funny. You start to entertain a small albeit dangerous thought:
What if I just text him?
I’m not the best person to talk someone out of texting their ex. I don’t know anyone who’s ever given me a convincing enough argument to not do it because once you have the thought, it takes an absurd amount of willpower to ignore the delusion. I’m usually the one that ends up realizing how stupid texting him would be, and depending on the day, I decide how much stupidity I’m allowed.
What I do know, however, (and most of us do even if we sometimes want to blind ourselves to the truth) is that healing will not come from a text from him. Will you get a dopamine rush? Sure, but if that’s what you want, go eat a cookie. Healing can’t happen if you keep ripping the band-aid off again and again. The body takes time to heal the cut and make a not so ugly scar, but it will take more time if you’re continuously opening the cut to see how much blood your body bears to lose. But again, do as you wish because no one but yourself can stop you from texting him.
If you want more inspiration to stay in the right track (the moving on one, I mean), listen to these songs before acting on your impulses. Take it from someone who’s lived Olivia’s “bad idea right?” at least three times with the same person.
Blame Brett, The Beaches
Talk about a liberating song. “Blame Brett” is a pop-punk anthem about blaming your ex and giving yourself the permission to be selfish. In hard times, sometimes you have to choose the least worst possible thing to do (excuse me for the redundance). So, what’s less toxic: blaming him or texting him? It’s up to you to decide, but in my experience, blaming him is part of the post-breakup phase number two, anger, and texting him is pressing rewind on the entire process. Jordan Miller, frontwoman of the band, sings “I’m sorry in advance!/I’m only going to treat you bad” with the same energy you’d have when you’re insanely laughing. “I’ll become an asshole” has never been so perfectly declared as Miller does in her tongue-in-cheek tone, and although not the best idea that has been thrown around, it is a better idea than what you had in mind.
B2b, Charlie xcx
The lesser-known lesson from brat summer. Do. Not. Go. Back. To. Him. And if it’s not clear, listen to one of the best songs on BRAT, a pulsating club anthem that wrestles with the temptation of going back to a former lover as she repeats over an hypnotic beat “I don’t wanna fall right back to us/ Maybe you should run right back to her”. As Robyn and Lorde before her, Charli manages to entwine vulnerability into the catchiest beat you’ll hear this year (“Took a long time/breaking myself down/ building myself up/repeating it”). If that phrase isn’t the epitome of post-breakup life, I don’t know what is.
Miss Me Too, Griff
If you’re still in the mood of dancing and crying at the same time, listen to this song from Griff’s second album, Vertigo. A song that perfectly encapsulates the longing for yourself before all the mess, “Miss Me Too” finds Griff wanting to go back to the person she was before she was heartbroken (“I miss talking to the bathroom floor/ I miss staring at the ceiling cause it felt so tall”.) Has the thought crossed you that you never needed your ex in the first place? If it hasn’t, go listen to Cher’s “Believe”, and come right back to this one, which is nothing more, nothing less than a celebration of the life you had before him and the initiation of the life you’ll have after him.
bye, Ariana Grande
Ariana’s best song from eternal sunshine (besides the title track, of course), “bye” is a disco-infused song that revels in the act of letting go and saying goodbye to someone that didn’t fit in your life story anymore. And unlike “Blame Brett” and “B2b”, this song finds a healthier and more mature perspective in the whole breakup mess: sometimes you just have to let go of someone, and that’s the truth of life. Ariana captures this with grace: “Now it’s certainly bittersweet/ This hook feels too hard to sing/ But it's better than repeat.” Put the song on repeat as long as you need to but refrain from repeating things with him.
Memories, Conan Gray
I’ve tried to exclude any real depressing song from this list, but if I’m making an exception, it should better be this one. This pop ballad highlights something your impulsive thoughts may not have thought of…what if your ex doesn’t want to hear from you because he’s just as sad as you are? Conan Gray usually makes a terrific job calling out crazy ex’s (see: “Maniac”). “I wish that you would stay in my memories/ but you show up today just to ruin things” would probably be the unspoken (or spoken) response your ex has for you. Maybe it’s a better idea to just listen to Conan sing this to you without actually causing someone to want to say it.
Seek & Destroy, SZA
A moodier song than the rest. You’re probably wondering why I didn’t pick “I Hate U”, but this song struck me as something that would make you feel more liberated. SZA writes about embracing the fact that a) yes, things were ruined (a relationship), and b) yes, maybe they were ruined by you (and him): “Now that I’ve ruined everything, I’m so fucking free”. Whatever guilt you’re carrying, the song lends itself to the thought: what if this was for the best? If you’re in the mood of embracing chaos, maybe embrace this song and not your ex?
Oscar-Winning Tears, RAYE
This was the perfect introduction to RAYE’s debut album My 21st Century Blues. Not a traditional breakup song, the song’s main intention is to call out a ridiculous man, one that pretends to cry and ignores the fact that everything was in reality all his fault. Beware the gaslighters and the love bombers. Listen to this if you’re feel that anger could steer you away from the thought of texting him.
Now That We Don’t Talk, Taylor Swift
Of course I had to include a Taylor Swift song straight out of her on-and-off saga with Mr. Styles. Now That We Don’t Talk is a Jack Antonoff-produced glossy pop track that both celebrates and mourns the fact that your ex is no longer in your life. The outro is one of Swift’s best as its confessions escalate to this reassuring line: “Maybe I am better off/ Now that we don’t talk”. It’s the cathartic way in which she spits it, angry and relieved, that has healed not only her but the millions of people who have listened to the song.
In conclusion, go give these songs a listen before rushing into anything, and if you’re really going to text your ex, save them for the next time you’re feeling funnier.
the fact that you published this on my birthday (while I was feeling lonely and really thinking about texting him) must be fate!
Perfect timing hahaha!!